Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater!

· Ok, ok.... I'll stop :) ·

January 7, 2016 0 Comments

So, it was brought to my attention that I am “cheating” on my Facebook diet – since my Instagram posts have been showing up in my feed. I’m not sure I’d said it’s cheating since I cannot see if/what anyone comments. But, just to show that I am a team player, I will add 7 additional days to my sentence. πŸ™‚ I haven’t deleted the app from my phone yet. I have a few notifications in the last 8 days… and this blog entry will fall into the “technical cheating” realm since I am having it routed to Facebook. But no more after tonight!

Do I miss Facebook? Yes and no. It feels nice to break away. I have gotten SO MUCH done around the house! I’ve nearly gotten my basement completely cleaned, painted, patched drywall, threw away 6+ bags of junk, have 6+ bags to donate to good will, and on and on and on! I am feeling organized. I feel my soul being cleansed.

I do miss talking to everyone. But some times I feel as if I need to block out the world, make communication a one-way street. Especially with things bothering me at work.

I have been an emotional mess. Perhaps shark week is amplifying my petulance. Maybe it’s the bullshit. I have heard from many people that adversity builds character. I think it also reveals it – its lack thereof or its existence. My week has been stressful, to say the least. Too much going on. But there have been and will be more stressful days. This too shall pass. And my resilience is fucking on point.
I put my heart and soul into my career. I treat it as a relationship. Why wouldn’t I? I plan on being here longterm, hopefully until I retire. I love what I do. So when I feel wholeheartedly about things, to be denied, shut down…it wears and tears on your soul. I feel like I am in the middle of this maze with no way out. I feel cornered, trapped… But I am resolute, tenacious, and persistent. I spent most of my life as a doormat and I refuse to refute back to that version of myself. Someone said I sounded like I was running for office when I said something along the lines of, “I will pave my career on the roadway of integrity and do what’s right for the company and customers…” lol. Sounds silly. But in a nutshell… I will stick to my guns and fight for what is right, even if it’s not easy.
Wednesday I was SO LIVID. I went to the doctor’s office and they had to take my blood pressure multiple times. She didn’t think it read right because the numbers were so high the first time. So I just sat there, saying nothing, deeply breathing, until she got a decent reading. Bottom number was the most finicky. Thankfully when I hear from a certain mister my heart can be at ease. Last night’s conversation with L made my heart soar. Our schedules are busy, but I hope I can see him tomorrow. It would be a perfect way to end this Hell of a week. I could be having the worst of days, but a simple “hi” from him just melts away all the bad in my life. I know it’s kind of barfy to gush about him, but he is like the puzzle piece that fits perfectly into one of holes in my puzzle. No rotating. No forcing. I feel like I have known him my whole life. I love how we can talk for hours on the phone – about nothing and everything in between. I am not used to feeling genuinely happy in this realm of my life, so I trying sooooooo hard not to get caught up in the moment and jinx myself. But at the same time, I don’t want to hold back just because other guys in my life didn’t treat me well. It wouldn’t be fair to L. So, just putting things on cruise control and hoping that it’s finally my time to find love…after 13 unhappy years of failed attempts with the wrong people. I’m obviously not a fortune teller, but I can keep an open heart and mind. What’s meant to be will be…when the time is right.
Blah blah blah. Enough of that. πŸ™‚ I am just ready to rid my life of the negativity that has been holding me down. I think I deserve to have happiness. And I am ready. Right now, however, it is time to crawl into bed. I have a busy day ahead of me at work tomorrow, breakfast with a friend, and then hopefully a wonderful evening with L. xoxo
So, no more blog posts will show up on Facebook during my time offline. πŸ˜‰ Byeeeeee.

Jessica Mariella

Amateur Photographer. Nature Enthusiast. Traveler. Foodie. Green-eyed girl with a big heart from Aschaffenburg, Bavaria.