Don't use bad timing as an excuse. A little introspection will reveal that it's...you.
Anyone have a cure for the Mondays? A severe case of the Mondays has rendered me useless and bitchy. Rawr. After I knock out this entry, I am going to hide beneath a layer of blankets and fluffy pillows and then watch cheesy movies.
Has anyone ever used the age-old excuse that the timing is off, it’s not our time, the time isn’t right, etc? I’m a recovering proponent of that excuse. Now, I just use the stars aren’t aligned, Mercury is in retrograde, he’s just an asshole…. but seriously, saying that the timing isn’t right is simply a cop-out. That doesn’t apply only to relationships, but to anything in life. Why haven’t you finished your college degree? Oh, you don’t have time? Why haven’t you hiked the Appalachian Trail? Because you don’t have time?
Whatever person, event or milestone you are avoiding – STOP IT. Just go for it. Do it. Don’t think about it. Channel your inner Nike and just do it.
When you use the excuse that the timing is wrong, are you making an excuse for that person/event, or are you just making an excuse for yourself? Based on personal experience, I know I have used this excuse in my love life. I had so many excuses that I claimed them as dependents on my taxes (No, I didn’t really. Don’t do that. Stop reading, IRS…nothing to see here.)
If you’ve read my blog before, you know it’s no secret I’m no stranger to heartache. Judging every future experience on those few bad ones, I’d spend more time thinking of ways things would fail, rather than how they could flourish. I would psyche myself out at the idea of being vulnerable to someone, opening up to someone. Then another facet of me was wrapped up in this cookie-cutter world, that if a love story wasn’t all rainbows and kittens like it was in the movies, then it wasn’t meant to be. But life isn’t about staying inside our comfort zones, behind the facades of perfect utopic worlds. Life will knock you down. But you dust your ass off and get right back up! As FDR once said,
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
There are so many cliche quotes I could post here, but you get the gist.
Say you ignore the positive quotes and you end up becoming a victim of your darkest days. Maybe you’re at the lowest point in your life. Maybe you just lost your job. Whatever the case may be – you are in the dumps. THen suddenly, the most incredible person enters your life – unannounced if I might add. Amazing people are rude as fuck like that. They don’t take into account that you’re going through shit and want to be alone and watch the world burn while stuffing your face with everything edible in a 5-mile radius. They don’t care if love is the last thing on your mind. So what do you do? Do you take a chance on that amazing person or do you wait until “all your ducks are in a row?”
I’ll tell you right now, your ducks will never all be in a row. Like never. Maybe for a split second the sun light will shine a certain way, causing the illusion that your ducks are, in fact, all in check. But they’re not. So just delete that idealism from your head right now. I’ll wait.
[doo dee doo do dooo …elevator music]
[I have to pee]
[ok, back to waiting]
You done now? Alright, let’s do this. So there is never an ideal or perfect time to let someone into your heart. With that being said, now there needs to be a certain level of emotional maturity as well as the ability to take care of yourself. What’s worse than waiting for the perfect time to date someone? Dating someone in order to be completed. People don’t complete other people. Sure, the idea that someone is your missing puzzle piece is romantic. But realistically, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet before getting in a relationship with someone. (I’m guilty of having used that missing puzzle piece bullshit idiom.) If you can’t handle your own shit (pay your bills, exercise proper hygiene, etc), then you are not ready for a relationship. You have to have SOME of your ducks in row, damn. What does this mean? You have to be happy ALONE. You have to like and love yourself FIRST. If you don’t like or love you, do you expect anyone else to love your emo, pessimistic ass? Pfft, no. Being dependent on someone else for YOUR happiness is basically the emotional equivalent of expecting tax-paying citizens to have their paychecks murdered so you can sit at home all day and be leeches to society. Oh wait, did I write that? Oops. Having a chunk of your ducks in line is good, but waiting for two people to of perfect mind, heart, body, etc is worthless.
So, the hardest part is learning to be happy on your own. THat was the hardest for me to learn. I look back now and laugh, because psssh how could I ever not like me? I’m fabulous! I’ll be honest – it was tough. After having to deals with years and years of people continuously pointing out everything that is “wrong” with you, it was a chore just to face the reflection in the mirror. I focused on everything that was “wrong” with me so much, that I lost sight of everything redeeming in me. Once I shed those toxic layers that others had buried me under, I started realizing that maybe I’m not so bad. Perfect? No. Good-hearted and sincere? Yes.
Ok, so back to this amazing rude person that busted into your life. No one is saying you have to marry this person right this instant. But let them in your life. Let them walk next to you as a partner, to hold your hand during the tough times. If this person is that elusive “One,” then once your black clouds have acted on that eviction notice, the romantic relationship will naturally unfold. If this person cares for you, they will give you the time and space you need as you battle the black cloud lords. But whatever you do, don’t push that person away. Sometimes the burdens we carry may be too bad, and it would be cruel to keep that person holding on. But if you isolate the things wrong with the relationship, it’s not timing that is wrong, it’s you. You need to work on those ducks.
WHen is timing an acceptable excuse? When you’re super young. You don’t know what you want at that age. I know you’re probably making faces at me right now, but believe me – you don’t. I got married at 18 to “the love of my life” and was divorced by 23. When you are young, that is when timing is an excuse to use. You are still finding out who you are. Do that first. Make something of yourself. If that “One” is still in your life after you figure out who you are, then there’s a pretty good chance you two are meant for the long-haul.
This is not the direction I wanted to go with this entry, but I’ve written too much to abort mission.
Love doesn’t happen every day. That true, passionate love that gives you butterflies. Mediocre love and lust are dime-a-dozen. But once in a while we meet that person who make us all tingly on the inside. Don’t be like me and don’t use the “timing” excuses. Don’t make any hasty decisions. Examine your life. Are you in a stable position where you can pay your bills? Do you have a job? Are you a serial killer? What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to be? If you be anyone in the world, would you choose to be who you are now?
A couple of Jessica’s Rules to Live By:
- Don’t change yourself in order for someone to like/love you. You be YOURSELF and the right person will find and love you.
- Don’t force love. I know we’ve all seen that meme that love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit….something like that. Love requires a little work, but shouldn’t be exhausting.
- Don’t expect someone else to fix you, to carry you through life, and/or to be your ticket.
- Do love yourself first before loving another person.
- Do engage in acts of self-improvement – you get that degree. Don’t let someone hold you back from pursuing your career/education dreams just because they’d “miss you.” Screw that.
- Do eat that third slice of pizza. Because if you don’t… I will.
I’m realizing I curse like a sailor. I don’t this much in real life, unless I’m really angry or if I’m…. nevermind.
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? – when I am telling them how I feel
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? – hmm, today. it’s like talking to a brick wall
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? – my parents and say not to judge me by the contents of the top left drawer of my dresser, lol. Or that I love them. I’ll play the call by ear.
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? – I wouldn’t tell anyone, because I wouldn’t want anyone to pity me. I’d make sure all my legal stuff was in order and just see and do as much as I could.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust. – In order to love you have to trust, so I’d choose love. If you don’t trust someone you love, then are you really in love?
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? – well, if my best friend was a male and super hot, then yea let’s do this
11. Does love = sex? – no, there are multiple forms of love:Eros, the sexual and romantic form of love
Philieo, the love of friends
Storge, the love of family and community
Agape, the highest form of love. Love based not on feelings in itself, but on principles