Sweet Dreams Are Made of These…

· Dancing the sadness away..... ·

July 24, 2016 0 Comments

Think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
Later's better than never
Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive (drive, drive)

The embedded music video is my goal… Sigh I am beyond exhausted from working this weekend. I’m ready for Monday, but at the same time I want to sleep in. I am struggling with finding a topic to write about… this is probably not going to be the best article since I am straddling the threshold being awake and sleep….

Stereotypes. We all stereotype. Don’t try and deny it. We’re all guilty. It’s human nature. But one thing about stereotypes is that through education and awareness, we can restructure our opinions. Tonight’s stereotype topic is:


So, a few weeks ago I took up pole dancing. It’s something I have always wanted to do. WHen I announced that I had, I received a few crude comments that associated my new hobby with strip clubs and promiscuous behavior. Pole dancing does not mean I engage in risqué behavior and/or just dance for anyone. There are all sorts of reasons to pole dance. SOme do it for fitness, some for art, some for the eroticism of dancing to make themselves feel better or their partner, and then you have the strippers. So, if you are one of those people who think that all pole dancers are whores and you have the freedom to say whatever sexually-inappropriate comment, then you have no room in my life. There’s a big difference between friends playfully giving me shit and some guy who thinks he can cross that line. Just don’t.

It’s 2016. The stigma for pole dancing has got to go.

Many pole dancers may feel ashamed to admit that they pole dance for fear of someone responding with, “Oh where can I put these singles?” People have been fired after their employers found out they pole danced (I don’t know the whole stories – maybe there were nude photos or something, who knows). Granted, there is a tremendously sensual side to pole dancing, but that, for me, is something private. I’m too much of a goofball to dance erotic anyway. I just laugh. But on the real, it’s a whole body workout! My upper body, my core, my balance, my flexibility, my coordination – they’re all getting a huge workout! But the part of me getting the biggest workout is my confidence.

FOr those of you who know, I was deeply in love with this guy. He was a huge part of my life and from very early on upon meeting him, I just knew that he’d be in my life forever. Well, I learned that he got married and forgot to tell me. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. He was the One. He had been everything I wanted in a guy, but his cagey behavior and my cyber skills led me to the truth. For lack of better words…. it sucks.

So I have been feeling down. Guy after guy – they all feel like they can treat me so poorly. Is finding a decent person so hard? Even the ones who say they’re decent end up revealing their true colors. Yea, so after that heart-grueling experience, I thought it best to just lay low on the love/dating front for a while. It’s nothing against any good man out there, I just need some time to heal my wounds for a while. I can’t just jump from person to person; that’s not who I am. If I don’t completely heal, then my thoughts consume me – kind of like they are now. I’ve been keeping myself as busy as I possibly can just to avoid my thoughts creeping in.

Which is why I can’t WAIT for my cross-country road trip. I plan on dropping off my emotional baggage out in the midwest for the vultures to pluck at. I’m done with it. It will be an emotional, introspective journey.

But until it’s time to hit the road, I have been dancing. And it has been amazing! The first day was brutal. The second day was hard. The third day was hard. All the days are hard. As I build strength, the instructor introduces new moves. ANd so fucking what if I want to do some sensual dancing to feel better about myself? I’m entitled to be happy. My dancing isn’t hurting anyone. It’s not derogatory in nature. It’s fun! It’s a challenge that I love. FOr one hour of class, I get to escape all the shit that is going on in my life and just live for the moment, enjoy the music, feel free.

I know this entry wasn’t very long, or awe-inspiring – but, I am so, so tired. If you only knew. I wanted to put more time into tonight’s, because this is an important topic for me. The world is so negative. There is so much negativity in the world and it floors me how much energy people will put into disliking/hating something – whether it be a person, activity, food, etc. Put your energy into what/who you love – not what you hate. Well, since I cannot unearth anything awe-inspiring I am going to get some much-needed beauty sleep. Catch up later to see statuses of my home projects!

Jessica Mariella

Amateur Photographer. Nature Enthusiast. Traveler. Foodie. Green-eyed girl with a big heart from Aschaffenburg, Bavaria.