Taking a break from the unending projects.

[March 2017 update: this man was a player. Found out I was being led on, along with multiple other women.] I was hoping to reunite with someone this weekend, but he had to reschedule. As much as I wanted to see him, a very small part of me is relieved because I soooo used this extra time to get my butt in gear with my house projects. Even though he wasn’t concerned or bothered that I have house projects going on, it bothers me.

I haven’t seen him in such a long time. I am still trying to let it sink in that by some random chance we’re back in contact. He was someone I always wondered what had happened to him.

For those who know me well, know that I attach romanticism to pretty much everything. How can I not? I have a huge heart. It comes with the territory. I’m trying so, so hard not to get ahead of myself. Just relax. Just chill. Just let whatever happens, happen.

I still struggle to find that happy medium between being super excited and super reclusive. Why can I not just function like a normal human being, lol?  THis photo is pretty much me:
weirdOnce we meet up again, I will be fine. It’s all this time in between! lol. Ugh, I am so nervous. He just genuinely seems to be a great person. So that is why I am nervous. [March 2017 update]

I can neither let my tempestuous relationship with L invoke an onset of emotions, nor my previous relationships dictate the direction of this friendship, should it become more. I cannot punish him for the crimes committed by other men.

I wouldn’t want someone to think that way of me, so I am just exercising serenity as best as I can. I’ve just been hurt so deeply and disappointed so much over the years. I’m on the verge of being surfeited with trusting and being vulnerable. The verge. The edge. Much of my life is spent on edges. So, I’ve got this. We’re just meeting again after almost 10 years….soooo just calm down. Eek! If you knew him, you’d know why I’m so excited. 🙂 Okay, enough there before I completely jinx myself. [March 2017 update: thank you Lord for not allowing this to work out. DOdged a huge bullet]

What have I done this weekend? Well, I finally fixed my crooked, broken mailbox. My dad said I had the ugliest, most redneck mailbox on my street, so I fixed it. I replaced it and planted black-eyed susans and coneflowers around the base. I cleaned out the garage. I worked on my flooring in the guest room. (Soooo much cutting and measuring). Cleaned up the other spare room.Sewed my couch cushion back together. Cleaned out the fridge and all the kitchen cabinets. I painted. I dusted. I worked on the bathroom floor. I did all my laundry. Vacuumed. Did the dishes. Swept. Mopped. Mowed the grass. Painted rocking chairs. Things I still want to finish by the end of the weekend: fix kitchen sink, clean out carb on the weedeater (and then battle the weeds in my yards)….and a few other items. I haven’t decided. If I could get halfway done with my floor installation by tomorrow I will be happy. I’m not sure when T and I will get to meet up, but I want to continue butt busting, lol.

living room

With regard to my home, it’s not like I’m a hoarder or live in a ramshackle house. But my home is a reflection of me, an extension of me. It is also, however, a work in progress…just like me. I’ve been especially nervous about this reunion.

1.) Do you like people who are very expressive of how much they like you or do you like people who are more quiet and mysterious? – no, I like expressive. YOu don’t have to drown me in PDA, but it shouldn’t be a mystery how you feel about me.

2.) Would you date someone your friends didn’t like? What about your family? – no and no. I am very close to my family and close enough to some friends who are like a second family. It would have to be a good reason for my family/friends not to like him.

3.) Are you attracted to any specific types of talents in a person? If so, what are they? – hmm, talents? Not particularly.

4.) What type of humor do you like in a person? Is it a deal-breaker for you if the other person doesn’t share a similar sense of humor? – not a deal breaker if their sense of humor is different, but they need to have a sense of humor. I laugh at myself a lot and if someone cannot laugh and have a good time, then they are not for me.

5.) Do you prefer someone passionate and intense, but “emotionally unstable” or do you prefer someone calm and chill, but “normal”? – well, I definitely don’t want someone emotionally unstable….

6.) How important are political beliefs? – meh. I don’t identify with a particular political party; it all depends on the issue whether I am more liberal or conservative. I just think it might cause issues if I dated someone who wasn’t animal friendly or didn’t like guns. I am a supporter of the 2nd Amendment, love nature and animals.

7.) Do you think belonging to a similar background is important? If so, to what extent? – a little. I think it’s easier to be with someone if you have similar pasts – or suffered similar struggles. People who have not experienced struggle, heartache and etc just seem to take people for granted and just dont get it when you need to be alone.

8.) Do you think having similar interests is important? If so, to what extent? – yes. I don’t want a man to be just like me. But we should have enough interests in common. Dating someone is being their friend too. So, if you can’t hang in the outdoors, keep active, or bum it on the couch then we might not be a good match. I’m a huge adventure-seeker, but can also be content watching my favorite movie under a mountain of blankets.

9.) How important is religion and spiritual beliefs when it comes to dating? – you can believe whatever you believe as long as you’re not an asshole about it and/or try to convert me

10.) Are you ever attracted to people with the idea that you can “reform” them? – been there, done that. I don’t want someone to change me so I’m not looking to change anyone else. Partners should empower one another – help me become the best version of myself. Get me to run that extra mile, to knock out those last few credits on my degree….but don’t change me.

11.) Do you like people who groom a lot or care about their appearance? – I’m not entirely vain, but yes. Hygeine is a must. Brush your teeth, shower, keep your fingernails and toenails clean – the norm. Clothing-wise …wear what makes you comfortable. UNless it’s a mankini, then no. hahahaha

12.) How much does the zodiac determine who you like? Do you believe in it and does it kind of influence you in how you perceive someone? Do you see yourself gravitating toward certain signs? – yes and no, lol. No more leos. Send me a sexy cancer or pisces. lol

13.) Have you moved on from people you’ve liked? What has helped you to move on? Does experience make you learn to not like certain things for the future? – it’s been hard to move on from people I have had feelings for, because there is nothing lukewarm about what I feel for a person. When you fall deep for someone, it takes some time to get over them. The hardest was L, because it was hot and cold. Just when I’d finally escape the ghost of him, he’d pull me back. Enough was enough this year. As much as it killed me, I closed the door on him.

14.) Would you say there’s a pattern or a common denominator among the people you’ve liked in the past, or do you like differently every time? – well my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend were polar opposites. The three guys after him were all the same but different.

15.) If you could date a fictional character who would it be? – Mario

16.) Are you partly drawn by “bad” characteristics (for example, vanity, arrogance, anger, etc.)? If so, what are they? – who isn’t? *eye roll*

17.) Do you think intelligence is important? What about education? – yes and yes. I don’t expect a man to be a collegiate scholar, but at least have enough sense about you to communicate

18.) Do you have a physical “type”? What kind of physical characteristics do you tend to like? – hmm… eyes are my weakness. If a man has a beautiful set of brown eyes then my heart could melt. Other than that… I like a man to be taller, in shape since I am trying to get back there…

19.) Do you prefer someone who’s a family person or do you prefer someone who’s more of a lone wolf/individualist? – family is big with me so I want to date someone who is close to their family.

20.) When do you think that you’ll get married?  – hmmm, hopefully within 4 years. That would be nice.

21.) Do you think that you should become friends with someone before dating them?  – yes, or at least become friends while dating. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone you better be able to enjoy their company

22.) What traits do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? – honest, ambitious, into the outdoors, someone who is kind-hearted, family-oriented, someone who can laugh at himself and be a complete goofball but be serious when needed, someone who is loyal and would be open. A man who treats me right….

23. ) What is your dream date? – it’s more important who you share a date with, rather than what you do. Personally, I don’t like huge, loud crowds. The cliche dinner and a movie is fine. I also like hiking, zoos, car shows, drive-in movie theaters, old book stores, museums, or just laying under the stars.

24.) Have you ever had your heart broken? – unfortunately

25.) Where do you want your wedding to take place?  – I always thought I’d elope on a beach and then have a backyard BBQ for the reception. I also thought it would be cool to have the wedding party zipline in. Part of me still wants that David Tutera princess wedding. WHo knows. At this point in my life, just finding someone worth walking down the aisle would be amazing.

26.) Are you a hopeless romantic?  – Absolutely.

27.) Are the romantic type? – yes

28.) Do you believe that marriage is something sacred? – yes. it seems rare nowadays to find others who take vows seriously

29.) Ever been stood up on a date?  – yes 🙁 that was pretty common with L

30.) Is there someone who you really like at the moment? – yes, and I hope to get to know him more and meet up very soon

31.) What do think of POF, E-harmony, etc? – never really thought much of them until POF brought someone back into my life, lol. Never in a million years would have thought…. I still need to go delete my account. I didn’t even want to create an account, but it was the only way I could ask if it was really him.

32.) Have you ever met someone you met online & fallen in love with them?  – reconnected, yes. Fallen in love? Maybe in time….see where things go.

33.) Has someone ever proposed marriage to you? – I’ve been married before, but have to answer no to this question. My ex only wanted to marry me for military benefits. We were dating at the time and he said if I didn’t agree to it, then he would just find someone else. I was 18 and dumb – I thought in time he would realize I was a keeper. But thank GOd for unanswered prayers.

34. How do you act around the guy/girl you like? – I act how I normally do…but at first I can be completely shy until I gauge his feelings for me. I’m so outgoing and bubbly but put a guy I like right in front of me and I forget basic concepts like breathing and English. If a guy is straight up and says, hey I like you….. then I’ll be myself.

35. What is your current relationship status? – single

September 4, 2016

Jessica Mariella

Amateur Photographer. Nature Enthusiast. Traveler. Foodie. Green-eyed girl with a big heart from Aschaffenburg, Bavaria.